“Your senses are slipping,” Hiei sneered upon his arrival.
Grey jumped in her chair, and slowly looked over her shoulder. Her steel colored eyes locating her beloved demons form. Hiei was perched on the edge of the windowsill near her bed, his dark clothes and hair glowing somewhat against the orange hues of the evening sky.
His presence immediately warmed her insides but the cold prick of nervousness that slunk through her body made the air she breathed seem dead, as if time had stopped for a moment. Her disturbed state caused the tip of her tongue to emerge to run over her lower lip.
“You’re forgetting that I’m not like you,” Grey’s voice was quiet, but carried hints of annoyance. However, she instantly regretted what she said. Truthfully she had been able to feel Hiei’s presence when he was nearby before though this time he had caught her off guard. Perhaps it was the uneasiness she was feeling at the moment but she knew Hiei had the ability to make her feel safe, welcome and happy.
Probably too happy…
“Hmph,” he stepped fully into the room and leaned against a wall. The man’s darkness looked somewhat unreal against the paleness of her barren walls.
Grey looked away from her notebook before facing him fully. She had not stood up as she usually did when greeting him, as she still felt hollow, even though her previous panic from her past doubts had long faded.
“Is there a reason why you’ve come?”
Another regret. As the seasons drew on, it seemed that Hiei came to her for no reason at all, before it would be for her to soothe his anger, provide comfort or be like how they were now, resting in pleasant silence.
He had not offered to give her any sass for the moment and for that she was grateful. After a short time, Grey blinked and became aware that she had been staring at him. Slowly she looked away and swallowed. She felt cold and clammy, but also warm…and stupid.
Grey knew this feeling well, she had felt this before, the fierce fear of rejection. It terrified her, and she tried to fight it all, to no avail. All the other times, it ended badly. She always seemed to be the one walking away wounded while the others involved remain unscathed.
Sometimes, she felt like she did not have a chance so why did she bother? For the truth? Perhaps he found all of this frivolous. Perhaps there was someone else waiting for him, providing things for him that she so desperately wanted to but forever lacked her courage due to others past rejections.
“You ask stupid questions,” Hiei spat, his dark brows knitting together as he frowned.
Grey looked over at him, the cold feeling overtaking her as pins and needles crushed the feelings of her entire body. Her bodies natural defense in trying to make her become as numb as possible to whatever painful truth she had planned to ask for. However, Hiei did not look exceptionally angry with her, just irked with her behavior but it didn’t make the sick feeling in her stomach go away.
“I’m sorry?” Her voice was quiet, but carried subtle hints of anger.
“Now you’re retreating like a pathetic animal.” Hiei voiced, his red eyes beginging to darken as he stared her down.
Grey’s hand clenched into a fist and she slammed it against the top of her desk, hard. The wheels of her chair rattled as she quickly stood up and offered him a hard gaze. Now he had crossed a line.
“Don’t call me pathetic,” even though her voice was quiet, it trembled with fury. “It’s not my fault…!”
It was probably a stupid sight to Hiei, but Grey felt the weight of all her emotions ensnare her throat with bitterness. Even though it was tight with threatening tears, she continued to speak.
“Just because I-I’m…” she swallowed, wincing as if it caused her pain. “Just because I’m scared of how much I’ve been enjoying your company?” There was a sharp intake of breath and she covered her mouth, forcing herself not to cry. Grey did not dare look at him, her voice became mousy.
“Do I even have a chance?”
All was silent after that, Grey was aware that she might have confused him with her sudden outbursts of emotion. It was not the norm for their meetings and Grey felt heavier than she ever had before but she held herself. There were no sounds of him leaving, but she could feel his eyes bearing into her.
Nothing was hidden from him…Hiei could see it all. Her pettiness, self hate…every aspect of darkness that she tried to keep hidden. Knowing his keen nature he might have been aware of where all her feelings had been coming from. After a long moment her eyes eventually found him once more and he had not moved a muscle.
“Little fool.” He looked at her from the corner of his eyes, his expression softening before sighing. “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be.” He valued his time just as much as she did, and he did not plan on wasting it so it was in his best interest to let her know that her feelings for him had not gone unnoticed or been mislaid in fact he silently welcomed her affections.
Grey blinked, a few stressed tears falling from her eyes as she stared at him, her lips parted somewhat. It was pure relief. More importantly those words had made her doubtful heart unwind, she knew him better than anyone and she knew that response meant more than what an average person could view. Satisfied Grey attempted to regain control of herself all while Hiei seemed to wear his usual expression, nothing more needed to be said.